On Hiatus

Feb. 9th, 2012 12:34 am
all_not_well: (hiding)
[personal profile] all_not_well
So I'm going on hiatus.

I don't know for how long. The last time I said I was too depressed to write, I turned right around and wrote The Perfect Wife, which I personally think has been my best fic to date. So who knows, I might be back tomorrow.

But today, I can't take it.

The problem is that I tend to look outside myself for validation. In all things, yes, but lately in fic writing especially. I focus on the comments I get, rather than the satisfaction that comes from the writing process itself. I stress about whether or not [livejournal.com profile] hd_prophet picks up my fics (well, the H/D ones, anyway), and I am highly conscious of the number of comments that other fics receive in comparison with mine. I obsess over it, in fact. And I keep asking myself how I can stop doing these things, because this is not the type of person I want to be.

And here's the answer that keeps coming back to me: don't post. If I'm obsessing about outside validation, maybe I shouldn't actively seek it. If I'm obsessing to the point where I can't even write at all, then I need to find something else to do for a little while - until I remember how much I love to write, and forget about seeking that emotional high that each comment brings.

Date: 2012-02-09 08:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vampira6.livejournal.com
Well, I will miss your stories. That probably doesn't count for anything, but I wanted to say it anyway. I know what you're talking about though, I'm the exact same way (not just with writing, either). But, like I've said before, it's not because your writing lacks in quality. It's just that you tend to write for a very specific audience. And yeah, maybe that means less people read it, but it means that the people who do (well, this goes for me at least) really really really like it.
Hope you'll be okay.
Edited Date: 2012-02-09 08:21 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-02-09 10:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carolinelamb.livejournal.com
I liked the Perfect Wife a lot!

I have to admit I'm not always a Het Reader but genderbending and crossdressing!Draco always gets me ... and it's so rare to see these kind of kink written so brilliantly.

Oh, and I do adore that catfic you once wrote.

I hope you get better soon and get back your love for writing!

Date: 2012-02-09 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soriano76.livejournal.com
I will miss you.

Date: 2012-02-10 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] golden-snitch12.livejournal.com
Hang in there, girlfriend! Don't get too down on yourself about it. A lot of people read stories and don't bother to leave feedback. It doesn't mean they didn't like the fic; they just don't realize how important comments are to the writers.

Always know you can PM me anytime you like. We can always share nook updates.

ps: My Windows 7 crashed and I lost all the fics I hadn't gotten around to copying and saving. I'm so bummed about that. Plus, I have to reload over 972 fics back into Calibre. Fucking Windows!!!!

Date: 2012-02-18 03:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hurtcomfortfarm.livejournal.com
Curses! I'm glad you've got the self-knowledge to know when to take a step back, though--I'd much rather you go on hiatus when you need to than not! Just know that we'll be eagerly camped on your lj, hoping for more posts if ever you choose to make them. I've absolutely loved the stories you've told already--there's something haunting about a number of them--so even if you never post more to all-not-well, I'll consider myself to have gotten a great deal from you.

Take care of yourself!


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