On Hiatus

Feb. 9th, 2012 12:34 am
all_not_well: (hiding)
So I'm going on hiatus.

I don't know for how long. The last time I said I was too depressed to write, I turned right around and wrote The Perfect Wife, which I personally think has been my best fic to date. So who knows, I might be back tomorrow.

But today, I can't take it.

The problem is that I tend to look outside myself for validation. In all things, yes, but lately in fic writing especially. I focus on the comments I get, rather than the satisfaction that comes from the writing process itself. I stress about whether or not [livejournal.com profile] hd_prophet picks up my fics (well, the H/D ones, anyway), and I am highly conscious of the number of comments that other fics receive in comparison with mine. I obsess over it, in fact. And I keep asking myself how I can stop doing these things, because this is not the type of person I want to be.

And here's the answer that keeps coming back to me: don't post. If I'm obsessing about outside validation, maybe I shouldn't actively seek it. If I'm obsessing to the point where I can't even write at all, then I need to find something else to do for a little while - until I remember how much I love to write, and forget about seeking that emotional high that each comment brings.

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